Dreaming With a Broken Heart.

Well, I had a freak out today when I saw a sign on my sister in laws door that said "feeding baby, please don't come in", we were having a big family get together at my other sister in laws. It's just not fair. I want to be able to put a note on a door like that. I feel as if I will never get that chance. I need to be hopeful. I keep having dreams about me having a baby girl. My mom had 2 dreams about us having a girl too. Maybe God is trying to ease my worries by letting me have hopeful dreams.

I was listening to John Mayer yesterday and one of his lyrics hit home.

"When your dreaming with a broken heart, the hardest part is waking up. "

So true.

Peyton Gabriel Johnson

What's Up With These Feelings?

I can not stop thinking crazy stuff. All I do is think about how scary pregnancy can be. When I get pregnant again it will not be fun! I am going to be a basket case. We started trying again this month. I am on day 22 of my cycle, so we will see in about 9 days! I can't be stressed like I am all the time, and still try and get pregnant. I think it will make it harder.

I keep wondering if Peyton is here with me or if he can just see from Heaven. I am so confused with these thoughts that run through my head all day long. I try to imagine what he is doing. Is he playing with angels, learning things, or praying.....I just hope and pray I see him one day! I used to be scared to die, but now when God calls me home, I'll know my life will finally get to start with my baby Peyton. All my dreams I had with him, will finally get to come true!

I hope I'm pregnant again!